Tag: communication

10 Tips for a good row!

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On March 14, 2019

In Communication, Relationships

Arguing and disagreements however solid a relationship, will happen from time to time, and it’s not so much about we shouldn’t have arguments, but more of when we do, how we resolve them in a good way which is important.

There is no doubt that there is a collation about how a couple argue and how these are resolved, which help maintain a healthy relationship. Some things to think about next time you are in an argument:

• Choosing the best time and place – not having difficult or emotionally charged conversations if one of you is tired for example. Out in public might not be the best place either!

• Sticking to what the real issue is about – i.e. don’t make the argument about the washing up if the real issue is unsatisfactory sex!

• Listen to each others’ anger, disappointment, sadness, or whatever else they may be feeling and without interrupting.

• No one runs away – no one leaves before it has finished or goes silent, slams the doors or ‘uses’ tears.

• Physical, verbal and emotional abuse / violence is never acceptable and totally out.

• Avoid hitting below the belt – making it personal, dragging in others, name calling etc.

• Not bringing up grievances from the past.

• Not manipulating each other by withdrawing love or sex.

• Not trying to be a winner and making the other person feel the loser….but to find a way through together.

• Admit our mistakes, and start to look for a positive solution.

Thanks for reading and maybe you have some thoughts you could share about what you do in these situations and what helps. Jason

Are you really listening ?

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On February 6, 2019

In Communication, Relationships

We all like to think we are great listeners, but are we? research shows that actually we are generally quite poor at just listening, whether it’s because we feel criticised, feel we need to get our point across first or we are distracted by the television or more focused on our own thoughts these are all things which affect how effectively we listen.

Here is a few things to consider and see how good a listener you really are and are there things that you could be doing differently to improve your listening.

Are You Really Listening ?

Do I always interrupt?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Do I really listen ‘between the lines’ when people are saying one thing but perhaps meaning something else ?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Do I really concentrate and try to remember important information ?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Do I have control of my emotions if someone else is angry or upset ?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Do I always turn off the TV / Stop reading the paper when someone is talking to me ?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Do I show people that I am interested, by giving eye contact and turning towards them ?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Do I listen or do I wait for them to stop speaking before speaking myself ?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Do I help others to express difficult feelings ?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Do I always try to fix the problem, rather than just listen ?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Do I check out with people if I am unsure how they have meant something before taking offence or getting upset ?

Always —————————————————————————————————– Never

Listen

By

On October 18, 2018

In Communication, Relationships

When I ask you to listen to me

and you start giving advice

you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me

and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way

you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me

and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems

you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked, was that you listen

not to talk or do – just hear me.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do

for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel

no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you

and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this

irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear the answers are obvious

and I don’t need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we

understand what’s behind them.

So, please listen and just hear me,

And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn;

and I’ll listen to you.

Is Christmas & New Year a stressful time of year for you ?

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On December 5, 2014

In Communication, Depression, low mood, Relationships, self esteem

Christmas & New Year can be a time of happiness and getting together with family etc, but it can also be a stressful time of year for a lot of people, relationships can feel strained, pressures of family etc, social anxieties of having to go to a work Christmas due or perhaps a New Years eve party, but you aren’t sure whether you can face being sociable perhaps because of low self esteem or lack of confidence. It a time when we are almost expected to ‘have fun’ but it is not always easy and can feel quite pressured to do so. If you suffer from depression then this time of year can feel especially difficult to manage as everyone else around you is having fun and appears happy and don’t understand why you don’t perhaps feel the same or as excited about it.

If you feel unsure how you are going to manage or feel you need some support during this period then counselling can help you to manage these anxieties and stresses. Also with the New Year looming it can be a time to look back at the past year and to think about maybe finding a way of drawing a line under issues of the past that may still be bothering you or holding you back from being the person you want to be – whether it is help and support for yourself or perhaps things in your relationship aren’t as good as they could be or perhaps sexual difficulties which have never been resolved then it can be the motivation to start the year off by making positive changes.

Any of this feels familiar for you and you are wanting to make changes and get some support then please get in touch, appointments now available – daytime and evening.

Habits of making a strong relationship

By

On October 29, 2014

In Relationships

An interesting article on the habits of couples who are in good relationships.

http://www.bustle.com/articles/45366-10-habits-of-couples-in-strong-and-healthy-relationships

6 Ways to think about trust!

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On March 7, 2014

In Relationships

Trusting in a relationship is an important aspect, yet is something that comes up a lot in relationships and can cause a lot of difficulties when there doesn’t feel there is trust.

Here are some ways to think about trust and ways of trusting someone :

Reliability

– Do you /they keep their promises – ‘actions speak louder than words’

Predictability

– Do you / they generally do what they say they will

– Do you / they generally remember to do something on a regular basis

Honesty

– Do you / they answer or avoid questions

– Do you / they lie to get out of difficult situations

– Are lies part of the relationship

Loyalty

– Are you / they generally supportive

– Are you / they generally ‘in the others corner’

Commitment

– Are either of you vague about what you want / expect in the future

– Do both of you ‘stick’ through the mundane up and downs of life

– Do you both have a vision of a future together

Shared Boundaries

– What do you agree are the most important things to maintain in the relationship

– How similar are your ideas and attitudes to sex, finance, children, work, home life

– What do you both believe about being faithful

– What ideas do yo share about how to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, high days

– What are your attitudes to contact with close and extended family members

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