Tips for Good Communication

Communication, communication, communication – how often do we hear that communication has broken down or we don’t communicate how we used to – what leads us to this and how do we get from talking and resolving differences to a position where even simple things seem to turn into a battle.

We all know that we should listen more than perhaps we do and it is quite usual for us to all think we are good listeners, but are we…worth thinking about isn’t it. Do we actually stop and listen to what the other person is saying to us, do we understand what they are trying to tell us, do we interrupt the other person before they have finished, do we check out with the other person if we hear something that makes us feel defensive and angry.

Miscommunication, assumptions are all things that can happen so how do we avoid doing this…

Here are some simple tips to think about…

If we want to try to get across something that the other person has done or does that we would like a change instead of constant nagging, making subtle hints or shouting which rarely gets the result that you actually want instead try :

Say what you feel……………………………….. I feel……………………..’

Describe the behaviour………………………… ‘When you……………..’

Say how it affects you………………………….. ‘Because……………….’

Ask for a change in behaviour………………. ‘What can we do about this……………’

Or we can do it another way

Say what you want………………………………. ‘I want……………………’

Explain what you want………………………….. ‘Because………………..’

Allow the other person to say how they feel ‘Are you able to do that?’

A useful book that can help us look at how we communicate and perhaps communicate in a better way is ‘Stop arguing Start talking’ by Julia Cole.